Let's get some things straight

It's been a while since I've posted. At one point, I had planned on posting something daily. Then, when that didn't work out, I thought I'd post weekly. Of course, that didn't work out, either, and here it is June of 2011, and I haven't posted since January of 2010. Oh, well, what ya gonna do?

Today is the day I post some truths. If you're squeamish about that stuff, you might not want to read on. But if you want to know who I really am, and what I think about stuff, and you think you can deal, please, do read on. Some of this may not be news to you, but I guarantee you that at least some of what you think you know about me is probably not what actually is.

I'm in two long-term committed relationships. Actually, that's kind of inaccurate; I'm in a single long-term committed relationship. My committed relationship just happens to have more than one person at each end. So, let's meet my immediate family. There's Barb, to whom I'm married (legally, even, in most states). She and I met way back when we were both in college. We met on a internet BBS (bulletin board system) the likes of which almost don't really exist any more. We had the usual long-distance courtship, and got married in 1994. It was a lovely wedding, many of our dear friends were in attendance, and aside from running out of the sparkling wine before we got any, all was well. Of course it was, because we fit nicely into the mold most people are comfortable with.

We had a pretty normal life as married students, and when the time came to be done with school, we moved to where there were high-tech jobs, which at the time was Dallas, Texas. This was also the time when we really got to know our dear friends, Chuck and Cheryl, who also lived in Dallas. It was actually Chuck who convinced me that moving to Dallas was a good idea, and in hindsight, he was right for many reasons.

In Dallas, we got to live the young dual-income-no-kids life, and it was good, even if the job I moved there for tried to kill me eventually, at which time I got another better one. And, we spent a lot of time with Chuck and Cheryl, both because we didn't really know anybody else down there, and also because they are delightful people.

At some point, Barb and I fell for Chuck and Cheryl. It's the only way I can describe it.

What do you do when that happens? We had both read Heinlein, and had been exposed to the concept of plural marriage, but only academically. This was for real, and it was happening to us. The two of us talked about it on many occasions, but figured it would pass as many things do.

It didn't pass.

But, time did pass, and situations changed, and I ended up taking a great opportunity in Abilene, Texas in 1998. Barb was happy to quit her awful job in Dallas, and we moved, thinking "Abilene's not that far from Dallas." Well, it turns out that Abilene really was far from Dallas after all, and we were pretty bummed because we didn't get to see Chuck and Cheryl very much any more. And, pretty soon, they pulled up stakes and moved up to Seattle, which is where Cheryl is from.

We tried to live the quiet suburban life, mostly successfully, but as happens, plans changed again when Barb called me up at work one day to tell me she was pregnant. So, we rented a house with a yard, and started setting up a home with a place for a new baby.

Most of 1999 was a blur; we went to lots of OB/GYN appointments, and in addition to the regular job I was working, I worked on my first start-up with Chuck and a high school friend of his. When it was almost time for baby Laura to arrive, Cheryl dropped everything and flew down and stayed with us and helped with, well, everything. It was really awesome, and she and I tag-teamed running interference for Barb while she labored and we were both right there when Laura was delivered. It was really the sweetest thing. Chuck was able to fly down and join us shortly thereafter, and it was like old times again.

I really can't stress enough how wonderful the two of them were and are.

Eventually, the time came for them to go back to their jobs and lives in Seattle, and we were sad to see them go, but we got on with life, but our relationship would never be the same after that.

Our hands were full with a new baby; neither of us knew anything about what you were supposed to do with a baby, but we muddled through, and life was good, and I took a bunch of photographs and wrote a lot of stuff, and worked like mad for most of the first half of 2000. Sadly, the start-up didn't work out, and we it up sometime in 2000. Things were afoot at my regular job, too, with lots of talk about closing the Abilene office, and I started looking around for what my next gig was going to be. I knew one thing for sure: Abilene was a one-horse town, and if my office closed down, there wasn't going to be anything for me to do there. So I started looking for jobs in the Kansas City area, but really without much luck. There is a small high-tech industry there, but it's a really small market, and at the time, was on the decline.

At this point Chuck pinged me and let me know that his company was hiring software architects. We had never even considered moving to Seattle before, but we thought I should at least check this opportunity out. Working with Chuck again was definitely a plus, too. For reasons I don't even remember, the two of them traveled to KC in June of 2000 and attended my sister's wedding (I was the photographer, and shrewdly predicted I'd need an assistant, a role Chuck filled well). Unfortunately, Laura was not having a good day and was being really fussy. So, while Chuck and I were photographing the wedding and Barb was standing up with Wendy, Cheryl sat in the car with Laura, who cried and fussed the whole time.

We got to spend a lot of quality time with Chuck and Cheryl that weekend, and I think it cemented in our minds what we had only kind of figured out in the previous two months; we didn't ever want to be away from these two again.

Well, word came down from my job that the office was indeed going away, and soon. So, we made arrangements to go visit Seattle in July, and we went up and stayed for a week or so and I interviewed with Chuck's (and Cheryl's, by that time) company. It was a really good visit and we fell in love with Seattle and even more with the two of them. The company made me an offer, and after talking it over, Barb and I decided that it was the right thing. So, we packed everything up, and tied up our loose ends and moved up to Seattle. Aside from some bumps in the road, it was a lovely drive up from Abilene to Seattle and we got to see a lot of the country we hadn't seen before, and it was all really cool.

At first, everything was really great. We had an awesome apartment in Bellevue, and I had a great job, and Barb and Laura had everything they needed, and our relationship with Chuck and Cheryl blossomed, and it was just wonderful.

And then, on the same day, all three of us got laid off. It was a freakin' nightmare.

A bunch of really bad stuff happened in the December 2000 - April 2001 timeframe, which I'm not going to go into here, because it's all water under the bridge, and there's no reason to open up old wounds, but at the end of it all, Cheryl was in her own apartment in West Seattle, and Chuck was living by himself in Kirkland, and I was unemployed again. That was a pretty stressful time, but we got through it all, and after a long wait, I found another job, and we were back on our feet enough that we bought a house in Des Moines in September.

Time passed, Chuck moved from Kirkland to Seattle, Cheryl moved from her apartment into her house in Shorewood, and through a fraternal organization we all belong to, we met Joe, and it became pretty obvious that Barb and Joe had some kind of mutual attraction going on.

More time passed, and the relationship between Barb, Cheryl and me settled out into something resembling comfortable, and I could tell how awesome Joe was for Barb and vice versa, and at some point everything just fell into a nice comfortable happiness.

It's been 17 years since Barb and I married, and 11 years since Cheryl joined our family, and 9 since Joe joined the family, and things have stabilized nicely. We're all pretty happy with everything. I love them all, and they all love me and each other. We all support each other, we all annoy each other, but we all know we're in it together, and we're in it for the long haul.

Laura Grace has never known anything different, and doesn't think it's out of the ordinary. I know this because she told me so today.

So, what's the point of all of this? Well, it's high time people understand that Cheryl and Joe are Very Important People to Barb and me. It's not legal to be married to more than one person in the state of Washington, but for all practical purposes, we are all married to each other. And, it's not a passing fad. I can't think of a better arrangement for my family.

I'm happy to answer any sincere questions anybody might have, but know this: this is for real and it's not immoral or evil just because it's not your cup of tea.

Postscript: You might be wondering what happened to Chuck. Chuck is still very much around, and we love him, too. He's had some things to deal with, but he's dealing with them, and he knows that we're all here for him whenever he needs us. Even Cheryl. Hell, especially Cheryl. :)